What is the role of a doula?

The simplest answer is that a death and grief doula provides non-medical, non-clinical support for dying and grieving people. End-of-life (death) doulas help people prepare for and experience death. We support the dying and their caregivers by providing respite, care coordination, education about the dying process and options available, and filling in any gaps in care or vigil that emerge during such a challenging time.

While it is accepted that people often need a great deal of support to welcome a new life, they often need significant support when dying as well. We labor to bring life into the world; we labor when we leave and grieve. It can be overwhelming and daunting to face your or a loved one’s last days. The dying process itself can feel overwhelming in the face of the emotional intensity of loss. A sense of agency, unconditional care, companionship, and compassion can shift the way we face life and death. My role is to help align your wishes and hopes with actual experience as much as possible with the time left.

Most commonly you can find me:

• providing opportunities to openly share thoughts and feelings related to death, dying, grief, and loss

• organizing and/or holding vigil during the active dying phase

• preserving life stories and designing legacy projects

• supporting end-of-life planning, continuity of care, funeral planning and preparations

• facilitating family bereavement, grief rituals, and retreats

Doulas play a unique role in helping the dying person remain at the center of their experience. While doctors, nurses, hospice, and/or family have their own unique and important perspectives to bring to the experience, the doula is aligned with the person they serve. My role is to help align your needs, wants, and plans with actual experience whenever possible. You aren’t courting death or expecting too much at the end by talking about all of this openly. Together, we will figure out how to honor the remainder of your time.

It is also common to struggle with questions of what you want the end of your life to look or feel like. It’s okay not to know. We can start together wherever you are. Sometimes people call when their loved one is close to the end-of-life and caregiving needs shift into unfamiliar territory. We work with that. Sometimes people seek doula support long before they begin hospice to have a companioned life review process or support with legacy projects. You don’t have to be near death to start working with a doula; the more time we have to make the most of—to make whatever it is you want of it—the better. I am always honored to be a part of your journey no matter when I am called.